Reflection

It's been a long week of reflection and fighting off the complications of  severe mortality issues.
I thank everyone who commented on my last post, the emails from friend and the phone call from my sister. Bless your hearts.
It's going to take a while to get past the volume of mixed feelings I have about someone who was in my life for a very long time.

Death is a final destination There is no return. It's like a river that finally reaches the ocean.
There is no reversal, no turning back... only the blending of one thing  into another... becoming a part of the enormous unknown.
Maybe we do return to something. Maybe we change... like the landscape, like the sky...

But with death, there are no higher mountains... no further distances to travel.
The echos of childhood disappear. Arguments fall away and as the Zen master Gizan said.
"Coming and going, life and death:
A thousand hamlets, a million houses.
Don't you get the point?
Moon in the water, blossom in the sky."
**********************************

I wish you peace, Karen. I wish you rest without pain.
I wish you joy and happiness beyond measure. 
You always said that I would know when you were "lifted up". I didn't! I'm sorry.
I know that you are safe now....
I truly hope that it is all that you hoped for... that what you imagined is really there.

 It's been a long road. Now you are free...
Goodbye, my friend.
*************************************

When Thoreau was asked about the hereafter he said,
"One world at a time."
I think I will be here a while longer.
*************************************
A few years ago Karen and I watched a Blue Heron land on a pond behind her house. We stood there in awe of this beautiful bird... together without words, without theology, without a difference of opinion, without any discussion or hurt feelings.... and we watched in wonder, like two little girls.
This is what I will remember.

Regrets

A friend has died.
I feel so... sad
regretful.

We had not seen each other for a few years.

I let the friendship go at some point,,,
for many reasons that don't seem very noble right now.

I thought at some point we would talk..
Again.
I thought we would forgive each other..
Again.

But we didn't.
I thought, with childish ignorance
That there was time
That SHE would call.

A friend died.
Her needs greater than I could give.
and I'm left with an empty feeling of remorse,
regret,
and confusion.