I wanted to make a lot of money but I didn't want to work very hard for it. I wanted weekends off and I wanted to do things at my own pace. I didn't know the difference between hard work and looking like I was working hard.... and I whined a lot.
I got married and had children. Then my life got more complicated.
I wasn't "the girl who wanted to be a model" anymore.
I was (OMG!)...a mommy. I had to be responsible.
I didn't feel like a grownup but I was acting like one... like my mother... and since she was always a great example and did everything perfectly, I just did what she did (only a bit differently) and that seemed to work.
It took me a few years to assimilate into this new status (of being a mother) but I did and now I had another reason not to do the things I really wanted to do. I was busy being a mother. There was always something that didn't get done because "I had children to take care of.".
Then something happened.The funny thing was that the more I worked at being a mother, the more it became a part of me. The more I payed attention and accepted where I was , the easier it got.
Finally I realized that I was here... right where I was suppose to be and that life was good. As the old song goes,
'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right
,'Twill be in the valley of love and delight
.When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.
("Simple Gifts" was written by Elder Joseph while he was at the Shaker community.)
I love this song. It's kind of centers me and puts me in the moment.
So, let's talk about life and death.
Why am I writing about some of these personal insights? What's my point?
Well, it's because I have decided that my life is really, really good and I want to share it with someone.
Maybe the earthquake in Japan brought this observation to the surface. Maybe it is the thought of losing my family, near San Francisco, in a large earthquake that put things into perspective. This kind of tragedy can happen anywhere.
So to me, "coming down, where we ought to be." means living in the moment and seeing what our life really is. Accepting all of it and changing only the things that are necessary to make it better.
That sounds so simple.
If it was.... everyone would be walking around smiling and doing what they really want to do, making lots of money and living in beautiful homes. But this doesn't happen to everyone and I suspect it takes a lot more hard work than we think it does.
Life is not easy for most of us. Every person is going through something different and difficult. But I think that somewhere, in each moment that we live, there is an answer.
We are born in a single moment and we die in a single moment. We are here and then we are not here. We are breathing and then we cease to breath. All the rest is "now"...
Now,we can choose not to suffer. We can choose to look for the beauty.
I wanted to be a "model". I wanted to be famous, or write a book, or be a fine actress, or sing songs. Now I see that I actually did these things.... in many different ways. The talent was channeled in many directions.
I think that , as the old Zen saying goes, I have "Caught the vigorous horse of [my] mind." At the very least, I have found a nice corral for it.
Peace to all of you.....