"People from a planet without flowers
would think we must be mad with joy the whole time
to have such things about us."
~Iris Murdoch, A Fairly Honourable Defeat

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Regrets

A friend has died.
I feel so... sad
regretful.

We had not seen each other for a few years.

I let the friendship go at some point,,,
for many reasons that don't seem very noble right now.

I thought at some point we would talk..
Again.
I thought we would forgive each other..
Again.

But we didn't.
I thought, with childish ignorance
That there was time
That SHE would call.

A friend died.
Her needs greater than I could give.
and I'm left with an empty feeling of remorse,
regret,
and confusion.

19 comments:

Teresa Evangeline said...

Connie, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this hurt. She's not dealing with it, more than likely, she's moved on. We just keep moving through life and forgive ourselves first and foremost.

Heidi Ann said...

I'm so sorry. I have had two very dear old friends die within the last few months, and I was so angry with myself for not having made more of an effort to visit them more often. I understand.

LV said...

That is what is so sad today. We tend to put off what we should do today. Never do that. life is too shot.

Danni said...

Wishing I could give you a hug right now. I feel like there is so much we would have to talk about if we were to ever meet.
I'm sorry about your friend. -danni

Brian Miller said...

i am sorry for the loss of your friend and that you never had the chance to reconnect...let it motivate you toward any others you need to speak...sad...

Kerry O'Gorman said...

I think these feelings are natural. I too felt like there was so much more I could have said and done with my sister. That there would always be a tomorrow with her. But such is life. I hope you have some kind and happy memories of the times you did share. I'm sending you love and light. The permanence of death is such a struggle.So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care.

Paxie said...

Oh Connie...I am so very sorry about your friend. We have our intentions of doing things and then other stuff gets in the way. We try, but we just can't always do what we hope is the best every time. Sending you a big hug sweetie♥

Whosyergurl said...

Connie,
I'm sorry. I recently let a friendship go of fourteen years. I had a dream about her last night. Bizarre.
I do think friendships wax and wane. Don't beat yourself up too much.
xo, Cheryl

Teri said...

Wow Connie! I am sorry for your loss and for your regrets. I recently posted about moving on myself. I had a friend for over 45 years who decided that she didn't want me for a friend any longer. I have grieved over it, been saddened by it, and now it is almost 2 years and still no phone call. I wish that she could read your post so she could realize how she might feel some day too. I have tried to make amends but at some point, there is only so much one can do. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you tried, that all you could do. Sometimes we just have to move on without them.

jojo said...

I am so sorry Connie. Wish I was there to talk with you, listen, support, hug. Sending love and prayers your way..;j

Pauline said...

My sympathy to you, Connie. Add guilt to any emotion and I think it doubles. I hate giving advise but feel compelled to ask you to accept the things you can't change, forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself. Loving thoughts coming your way!

Anonymous said...

Connie, I am truly sorry for the your loss of a dear friend. This post should make all of us wake up and keep our dear friends close. Have a blessed day and keep your chin up. Madeline

Riki Schumacher said...

I'm so sorry Connie. Well, there is a lesson there for all of us. Best we all understand, you don't get a second chance sometimes. I hope your hurt passes quickly dear one. Hugs, Riki

Joan said...

I'm so sorry... :(

Debora said...

I am so sorry. Perhaps she has forgiven you. Things may well be viewed differently from eternity's perspective. I'm sure she would not want you to live in deep regret, but to learn.

Towanda said...

Sometimes we let friends go because we can see we don't want to go where they are clearly headed, and then they die. Sometimes we have no choice but to let go. Such is life.
Linda

thecrazysheeplady said...

This hits close to home :-/.

Jan Ely said...

Sorry to hear of your loss. Maybe this was how your relationship with her was supposed to have happened? Who's to say even if you did reach out to each other that things would have been any different? In any case, loss of any kind just plain SUCKS.

Dianne said...

I'm so very sorry. I too had lost touch with a dear friend over the years. She was "out West"...I was in the Midwest at the time. Our lives were busy. Years later, I found out she had bone cancer but was in remission. We talked about trying to meet in the South...but never did. Again, time passed...before I discovered that she had died. I wrote about it here: http://mysouthernheart.blogspot.com/2010/09/rest-in-peace-diane.html I pray the days to come bring peace for you - a remembrance of the good times that you and your friend had together.

Blessings,
Dianne