It was, as I have said, a fine autumnal day; the sky was clear and serene, and nature wore that rich and golden livery which we always associate with the idea of abundance. The forests had put on their sober brown and yellow, while some trees of the tenderer kind had been nipped by the frosts into brilliant dyes of orange, purple, and scarlet.... As Ichabod jogged slowly on his way, his eye... ranged with delight over the treasures of jolly autumn. ~Washington Irving, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Wishful Thinking and a Few Highlights


There is an old expression that goes..."Hope springs eternal." Well, that's my mantra these days. When the gray hair arrives, even in places besides your head, and your skin starts to look like you remember your grandmas looking like. When your eyelids start sagging into you eyes and making you look like you partied too much the night before and you didn't. When , no matter what you do to "take 10 years off your over all appearance" nothing works... then it's time for desperate measures.
I don't have the money for face lifts and tummy tucks, but if I did I think I'm at that level of desperation that I might do it if I had a few thousand dollars of disposable income floating around. But I don't. So, what's left? .... La Petite Frost.
I don't think it's too much to ask that if you buy this product, the results should come somewhere close to the picture on the front of the box. I know I'm probably 40 years older than this model. I KNOW that I probably weight more. Ha! I haven't had my lips puffed up and my bangs aren't long and straight like hers, but..., gee wiz! I just want to maintain a little fantasy of my former self.
So I bought the box with the beautiful girl on it and yesterday morning while the Prospector was gone (I NEVER do this when he's around. It's just too invasive for an audience), I slipped on the plastic cap; pulled my hair through the holes in the cap with a miniature crochet hook, until my aching fingers where crying for me to stop; prepared the bleaching solution and spread it all over my head, being very careful not to drip any on my age spots. Then I waited 45 minutes. I wanted the maximum effect.
Well, I guess my hair looks lighter and more "summery". I'm thankful for small improvements at this stage of my life. I still think that L'Oreal should use OLDER models so we don't have so far to fall when we make comparisons. But, like the gold ring on the carousel. We always have to reach.... keep trying.
Then, to add insult to injury, I was in the bathroom slopping on the solution, when Carl walked in on me....

His ears went up and his eyes got bigger. You'd thing he had seen a monster (or a strange dog) inside the doorway. I said some reassuring words to him and he GROWLED at me. Then he ran into our bedroom and hid under the bed.
After I removed the cap and washed the "H75 Chardonnay" solution out of my hair Carl cautiously returned. Farmlady was in the bathroom again and the monster was gone. He wagged his tail and left. Dogs!

I like the highlights. I feel better.., lighter. Maybe with a new style of eyeglasses I could pass for , Oh, 57 maybe 56.., late 50's.., 60? Now I need a haircut because I got some of the "solution" on the hair that I forgot to tuck under the cap and it looks like I fell asleep in the sun with a swim cap on. I'm thinking I should use some of that nasty concoction on my age spots. Couldn't hurt!
Getting older is very high on the Suckometer. I try to not care. I keep telling myself that wisdom is better than beauty. But there she is..., that model on the box.... looking eternally beautiful.
There's no justice in this world...
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14 comments:

Jo said...

No doubt the model made enough money on the last shoot that she could afford all of the lifts and tucks before la Petite Frost shoot. I am thinking she is really 85. I gave up on the age in the box a while back. My hair grows so fast that in two weeks time I was needing roots done. After Riley patted me on the double chin and told me that Grandma's with soft chins are the best kind, I decided to be happy with the me that is right now.

Aren't these critters a piece of work? Paddy Girl keeps us in stitches.

Sherri said...

Oh I know how you feel. I'm going home for a visit early in June and I'm going to have to color my hair before I do. I've been slowly dyeing my hair a lighter color so it can gradually get closer to it's now, normal color. I think it's mostly gray now, but I'm not for sure because I've been coloring it a medium ash for years now. I figure if I go lighter I can frost my hair eventually and make it all blend.

Tatersmama said...

Why do we even bother? We're beautiful just the way we are... now aren't we? Ask our grandchildren!
I usually go a light brown and then get *golden blond* foils that are supposed to hide the emerging grays. That's the theory, anyway.
Last time, the hairdresser went a little foil happy, but at least I don't see any grays yet, so maybe she did a good thing, eh?

So I now have youthful hair, but the poor old body needs work. *sigh*
My middle grandson was cuddled up in my lap, and turned and said "grummie, I love how you're so nice and squishy!", so I've decided to focus on pleasing 4 to 9 year olds, and quit worrying about the rest! ;)

Chef E said...

We were just talking about lifts and tucks at dinner with friends. Nope give me my hair color money for clothes and good food and wine, I am happy! I do not like pain, so the description of the six to ten weeks of recovery, bruising and pain- NO thank you! We are not getting older, we are getting wiser- we understand what slowing down and enjoying the good things around us, like murphy and the others :)

Riki Schumacher said...

Okay Connie, you're ready for some blue in there now, right? C'mon, it's fun. Hugs, Riki

georgiapeachez said...

The suckometer! Is that what that annoying noise is that I hear all the time :->
Getting old is quite annoying but then that's what good hairdressers are for, right? Going under the knife is just too hollywood for me. MrPeachez has to take me and my wrinkles and my rolls as is or too bad. One benefit to old age though is the kids are almost gone from the payroll and then....party time!!!
xo, suzy

Pauline said...

I think I will have to make a Suckometer! I can imagine what sort of rating I would give myself most days but it would just take a few minutes with a grandchild to gain some balance. But frightening the dog would push things off the scale I must admit!! Thanks for a great read!

Madeline's Album said...

I believe in growing old gracefuly. I do not color my hair. Nips and tucks are out of the question. Have a blessed day. Madeline

Sue said...

I bellowed out loud as I read this, Connie! :-)
Love the reference to the Suckometer, too!!
I'm sure you look fine with your new color. Does your hair stylist ever say anything about your doing your own color? I bet that highlight job would cost about $75 in the salon. I say stay frugal and let Carl growl every month or so! LOL
~ Sue

Roslyn said...

You;re right there is no justice for women, men get to look "distinguished" & we just look , well, old!
Yes my hands look just like my Mum's & my crepey skin ugh[shudder] I keep covering up more of me, soon I'll need the burka,LOL!

Susan said...

THANKS for this post! It made me smile! Carl's reaction cracked me up!

Karen Deborah said...

Lawdy I LOVE this post!!! The dog hiding under the bed has me in stitches. It is a dirty rotten gip that by the time we find our wit and get comfortable in these skins they wrinkle!

Jan Ely said...

It's been such a long time since my "drapes matched my carpet" so to speak, that I don't know what my "real" haircolor is anymore. As for the wrinkles, I figure as my eyesight gets worse, I won't be able to see my wrinkles in the mirror anyway. "And," she said as she threw the pink feather boa over her shoulder, "I'm the only one that matters anyway, right?"

Jan Ely said...

P.S. I don't color my hair when HE's around either--kind of like when I used to set up the Christmas tree for my son: it's magic not to be revealed in its infancy!