I prefer winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show. ~Andrew Wyeth

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Grateful Heart

I woke up early this morning. Got my cup of coffee and went out to water the front garden. Then I came in and fixed myself one of my favorite breakfasts..., toast with blue cheese and apple juice. ( My Dad use to call it "stinky cheese" but he loved it too. ).

Sitting in the rocking chair, I think about the last few weeks and how I could be getting ready to leave for the Bay Area this morning instead of sitting here with my dogs and blue cheese on toast. It's funny how things change. Life takes on a different pace. Nothing seems eminent, pending..., on the edge.

We are planning a Memorial for Mom on the 14th of September and there are things to do for this final goodbye..., but the fear is gone. The pain and waiting is over for her..,she is safe and life is still here. We are still here. The animals need feeding, the garden needs water; family still requires love and attention, but there is a peace; a stillness in my heart.

The season is changing. I can smell it. There's a different fragrance is in the air; a different slant to the light. It is change that is palpable and I know that my favorite season is coming.
I go inside..., into my bedroom to change into some clothes and walking shoes. Carl is running in circles because he knows that I'm preparing to take him for a walk and he is crazy with excitement. The sun is coming in through the window over our bed.
I remember a time, long ago, when I thought I would never see this moment; when I thought I wouldn't live another day or week or year. It was a time of sickness and fear. And yet, here I am.
I wrote this poem, then, and it seems like I wrote it this morning. Standing here in the sunlight of my bedroom, in my little home on this foothill mountain top, I realize that life just is..., and acceptance of it, with all of it's uncertainty, is what success is all about.


Look how it shines
the window;
shimmering through
leaves on trees.
making patterns
on my window,
making shine
on my face.

Look, as it slowly comes
lace curtains.
Making patterned light
on my painted walls.

Look, beyond the forest
where the world opens
and light shines through;
making happiness
in my heart;
it will come again....,

C.C. 1985
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  1. beautiful poem and it is such a wonderful place to be without fear :) love n hugs and seems like you had a question on something but i sure cant recall right now.

  2. This whole post...from beginning to end..was a DELIGHT...
    And what a beautiful poem.

    I just love it when people find the best things in life...from the simplest things in this world.


  3. how lovely, your are endearing when your like this really. just precious.

  4. The header photo is my corn patch..well, it was in July..it is brown now..with a scarecrow in it(don't tell anybody..it's kinda early, but I couldn't help myself, makes me happy)

    The kitty is a blue cream tortie point persian. Isn't she adorable?
    And she has a personality to match. She is my baby and she is a living doll. Her full name is Dandelion Rose..we call her dande or dande girl. I have her brother too..he is a big gentle giant, a seal point himalayan, his name was Biscuit, but a long time ago it morphed into Whiskey (and we aren't whiskey drinkers). they are indoor kittys. We can open the door out to the garden and they just sit there.

    I have 2 strays..that are now mine. Pixie Girl and Mumbie..and I love them too. Plus our 14 year old blind red toy poodle (have had him since he was 8 weeks old) his name is Butterscotch, but we call him Buddy. I LOVE animals.

    Have a wonderful weekend.
    kary and the gang

  5. Connie I am so glad that the peace you deserve is there for you. Your poem was just beautiful. Have a pleasant evening. Madeline

  6. Love your new header, love the poem, love YOU!

  7. Your poem is beautiful! I too smell the air changing. I had mentioned to my hubs the other night when he called from work, "we just lost 20 minutes of light on our day". Strange how some can sense/smell it and others don't. I look forward to fall every single year. Not to wish away time mind you, it's an act of absolute patience. But I do love it when she arrives.

  8. So good to know your heart is healing.
    I csan almost see the change you are describing-here in CO. I see the very tips of the Aspens beginning their annual transformation, Fall is on the way.

  9. I sit here speechless with a glint in my eye that may grow to a tear. Simply beautiful. So open. So free. So filled with life and the love of it for what it is . . . breaths strung together to be lived fully -- gifts in each moment, if we really see through the pains of life.

    I hear the growing pains, yet see the blossoms on the same branch.

    You are beautiful, my friend. A real treasure.

    Thank you for always leaving such encouraging, nourishing comments on my blog. They feed me so as I continue dawn the pathway of nurturing my family. You refresh me with your kindness. Thank you.

    I adore toast and stinky cheese, but I prefer mine with tea.
    ; D


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