I prefer winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show. ~Andrew Wyeth

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dragonfly Wings

On my way down to my mom's I needed to stop for some coffee. As I got out of the car and shut the door I noticed something on the ground. I reached down and picked it up...., it was a dragonfly. It was dead and kind of dried out but everything was intact. The wings were not damaged at all. There in the busy parking lot I found this lovely gift, waiting for me to save it from the wind, the wheels of a car, a curious dog or a childs awkward hand. As I held it in my hand I thought I saw it move. How could that be? It was dried out and was crush in on the top between it's wings. Maybe the wind made it move, or my hand touched it's wing and turned it's body just a little. It didn't moved again and so I found a safe place for it on the back seat , bought my coffee and continued on across the Delta and into the Bay Area.
I know the road so well after all these years of driving down and back. I laughingly call it "...the horse to the barn" road. I tell everyone that if I took my hands off the wheel, the car would just continue on and arrive at it's destination because it has driven that road so many times.
I was not sure what to expect when I arrived at Mom's, but my sister had just brought Mom home and even though she was tired, she seemed to be doing very well. She has Congestive Heart Failure and Diabetes. She went to the hospital because she couldn't breath. They gave her very high doses of Lasix, a diuretic, and she came home 20 pounds thinner. The pressure on her heart and lungs was greatly reduced by this procedure so the doctor let her come home. They don't let you stay long now. If you're still breathing and you can get to the bathroom by yourself ,they discharge you. There seems to be a kind of medical conveyor belt in hospitals these days. You are in and out of there before you know anyone's name.
Sis told me that the doctors were very nice and did as much as they could to help Mom. All Mom wanted to do was go home. She's 90 yrs old and she's getting very set in her ways. She just wanted to take a nap. She was tired and very glad to be home.

Over the weekend I showed her the dragonfly I found in the parking lot. We marveled at the beauty of this creature and talked about the wings; so fragile looking and yet with the ability to fly. How each dragonfly is, first, a thing that lives in water. It is born there and that it only lives for a month or so. Only a month, not years, not decades..., but for a very short time, this lovely creature flies around and catches other insects and flies above our heads and then it's gone. Where do they go? all the thousands of small bodies...., when there are so many of them? Why does the death of one Dragonfly seem so sad? Why does sharing this lovely creature with my mother bring tears to my eyes? Is this when we hold onto each other because we know that time is short? Will the fragile wings of my mother's life travel faster than the years she has been given? Can I make the dragonfly come back to life and fly over my head?...., no. I can do nothing to stop the reality of it's death. We are all creatures with fragile wings and now, with my mother sitting beside me, I can only share this knowledge in silence.

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  1. Connie, I know that there is not much they can do for the congestive heart failure except the make it easier to brerath and make the person as confortable as possible. My Prayers are with you and your family.

  2. Blessings and prayers to you and your loved ones. I so enjoy your blog and the wonderful photos, New to all of this. Don't have an blog,but want to say Thank you for letting me come visit. Enjoy and cherish the time with your Mom.
    And take care of yourself too.

  3. I have always been fascinated with the dragonfly. It is such a simple little creature yet poccesses a beauty all of its own that most people don't see.

    When our grandson was hit by a car and died at age 10, As we stood at the cemetary my eye caught the movement of a dragonfly during the graveside services. It flitted around the many flowers and as the final prayer was being said and the many people assembled there said amen, the dragonfly softly floated away.

    That in itself would have been a case of my mind wandering and of unimportance until I came home and did a little research on my friend the dragonfly. It seems that some of my native american ancestors believed that the dragonfly carries the souls of our departed ones to the next world. That little bit of knowledge sort of all rang true thinking back to the day of Warren's funeral.

    Big Hugs Elly Mae and be sure to give your mom my love.

  4. I love dragonflys. I use to collect the ones I'd find like yours. I think I still have a few in a box somewhere.

    I loved your post. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Hi Farm Lady,
    Your post brought tears to my eyes. Yes, hold your mama.

  6. Life is precious, and no we cannot raise anything from the dead. But Jesus can, and does, and will. He is the future hope.


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